Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
