I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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