what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
