She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
