so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
