So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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