You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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