Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
