i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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