i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
