College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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