i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
