I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
