I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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