you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
