Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can I color on your dick again?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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