My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
