So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
