All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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