You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
