did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
