We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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