dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
