I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
