he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
