So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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