i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Never underestimate the power of titties
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
