if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dick very happy bro
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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