people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
