this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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