i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
