Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
