I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
