Porn is love you can see.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
