I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
