I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
