i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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