I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
