our cab driver is having phone sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
