She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
