I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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