It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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