My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
