We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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