Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
