I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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