I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
