Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
