My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
