He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
