I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the day after is always just damage control
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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