the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
