can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
