I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
